Literally, ignore them.
Don’t invite any parts of them into your space.
Alex Elle (via dulce-luna)
Sorry to come off like such a negative ninny in my last couple posts (especially since I hadn’t posted in awhile.. I didn’t mean to be all ‘BAM ! Here, have some pure unbridled angst and sadness..’).. it’s nothing I won’t get over but damn.. people can sure behave terribly towards other people sometimes. It’s just sad.. and I wish it didn’t have to be that way. Things could be so much simpler. Kindness is easy. It just takes practice for some people, I guess.
I’m the sort of person who will let themselves get treated horribly and then tend to downplay it, make excuses for that person’s cruelty (most often when there is no pardonable excuse), and possibly write the experience off and stuff it way down deep into my little emotional envelope of ‘fuck it’s’, bless the mess, and go on about my life. Which isn’t always the healthiest way to deal with things like that. And when I’m dealing with certain kinds of painful experiences with others.. it usually doesn’t take very long for me to start doing really fucked up stuff to MYSELF to deal with the pain. And that’s just me.. that really has nothing to do with anyone else or how they treat me. We all have triggers. But.. if I can help it, I like to try avoiding putting myself in that position where I internalize another persons ill behavior towards me and take it out on myself.
So, when I’m writing and posting things like that here.. it’s really more like a note-to-self or just a way to get it out. I don’t always allow myself to get upset when I really should be. I feel a lot of guilt when I get upset at anybody. I’m still trying to understand why I have that tendency. Writing about things helps me. It always has. And I often have nothing and no one to turn to with my feelings but a blank page. Which is probably for the best most of the time. I like to take those negative feelings and attempt to use them as fertilizer for the expression of beautiful things. It’s my only way to come to terms with pain at times. I know there are more than a handful of people around who actually care, and some of you are here. So, I’m sorry if it’s ever worrisome or troubling when I post my upsets. It’s not my intention to engender those kinds of feelings in others, especially people who are so caring and supportive. They’re just words.. but I know that sometimes when people use words they can have a power beyond their sphere of control.. and they can have an effect on others we don’t always intend them to.
You are never the sole contributor to your own downfall in life.
Give credit where credit is due, when it is due. In fucking FULL.
No regrets, no apologies.
No false modesty or false pride.
No half-lived moments or sentiments.
Or.. just keep thinking it’s ALL you all the time.. and see what happens.
There is nothing more backwards, egotistical, and spiritually bankrupt than subscribing to some notion that you’re own thoughts and feelings alone are the ONLY thing contributing to the creation of your reality and your life.
How fucking precious & totally deluded. It’s like.. the height of like.. stupidity. Ohmageeerd. It’s ONE life.
And it belongs to everyone.
So stop leaving people out of your picture because of some misguided sense of grandiosity or moral/spiritual superiority. People do fucked up shit to other people. It happens. It’s real. It has an effect. It leaves scars. Time doesn’t heal all wounds, because the only thing time does is KILL YOU while you pay for it with your own awareness of the potential for bliss that is never quenched or fulfilled.
Stop sugar-coating EVERYTHING under the Sun. Try being grateful sometime.. that your time here is so brief and fleeting. You may actually get to enjoy your life a little more then, instead of swimming in pointless guilt or regrets for what little may be left of it all.
If you’re going to subscribe to all of the.. grand unified theory of total fucking compensation for a lack of being able to deal with the unknown and the big beautiful ambiguous, mysterious nature of life trip.. then make sure you spit-polish your ‘good person’ merit badge extra fucking hard so the all world knows you are a saint. Otherwise, the world might fall apart without you..and don’t forget to ram your rigid little superior perspective down everyone else’s throat all the time non-fucking-stop too.. because everyone deserves to be heard right ? Right..
Raise your hand if you’re sure that you’re the only person that really exists on this planet and everyone and everything else is just a figment of your godly imagination.
What fucking luxury..
Long lost 11th Commandment:
Thou shalt go royally fuck thyself.. and if thou is incapable of self-fuckery, then thou shalt incessantly seek some other who will gladly do it for thee in thy stead, for double the energy.. all the while saying: “This I do for you, in the name of Love..”
And rightly so. We listen long.
(We behind masks, in costumes!)
What do we hear? a little willfulness,
a little sadness, and tremendous promise,
sawing away at the half-locked future.
And in between, healing in our listening:
the beautiful silence they break.
|—||Rainer Maria Rillke (Val-Mont, mid-March 1926), in Uncollected Poems (1909-1926), translated by Edward Snow (via hiddenshores)|