Alaya

I’ve only just become aware that the part of me

That feels flawed has been testing you, unconsciously

I give you these glimpses guised in vulnerability when

Really I’m seeking the resound of echo, of my Psyche,

My Soul, I see the World in you, your every response

Unfailingly and flawlessly returns to me the

Secret wish in my heart, the answers I felt only I

Could have and could know, and by this I am

Staggered: as a child by the ineffably vast sky

Of infinite compassion: I believe you !

I feel it to my marrow, to my atoms stirred anew

By the blue brightness kicking in your warm womb

Your being, as veiled as you may think it remains

Is so clear to mine eye, and my Heart finds its rest

In this, I will to whisper my langouring freely

Unentombed, my long-wished-for secret bliss blooms

Oh my stars, your gestures collect like to like

Spilling the dew from my cupped leaf, I leave myself

Open to you, every door once kept closed finds itself

Flung wide by this new moon that draws my tide

Beckoning reflected Sun to allow itself to shine out

From the dark memorial clouds that were but a

Preparation for this: the song of my own Heart sung back to me

My own melody I thought silly and lofty so long

Finally finds its tonic return.. harmonized, strong

I am beside myself with Faith, and not surprised

She was there all along, held in sway, dancing her dance

Quietly next to me and now finds me here too

So glad my Heart, and that I always listen

To my intuition and Trust it at every turn turn.

..MORE earthquake. Booooo. 

Pants. Pants. Pants. Pants. Pants. Pants. Pants. Pants. Pants. Pants. Pants.

Shooooot. I gots no internets..  I’m on my momma’s computer. Darn thunderstorms keep knocking my connection out. At least they’re beautiful thunderstorms. I always like to go outside and watch. I feel good after it storms. I feel connected. I love the air here after it rains. The sky is like a dream. Ooooh well. I’ve got other things to do anywayssss. Watch good movies. Play guitar. Sing. Make good foods. Write actual letters to people I love love love who live far far away, on actual paper (!) with actual pens (!). Oh my goodness. The nostalgia of the postage stamp makes me weep with wonder. I love to write letters to people. I love to draw on and decorate the envelopes : ) I miss my friends who are far away, and I think about them everyday. When I watch the sunset. Watch the sunrise. Just watch. Ah, stuff to do stuff to do. Go to the library. Go to the stinkin’ garbage dump (yaaaay !) Read books printed on paper with ink. I do not miss you internet. I do not miss you in a box. I do not miss you with a fox. I do not miss you. Still.. please come back soon : p  I’ve got more stupidity to post. I watched Rachel Getting Married last night. I’d seen it before. Several times. I think the part when Rachel is saying her vows to Sydney during their wedding is such a beautiful scene and her characters sentiments are sooo wonderful to feel and express to another human being. That made me cry. That genuine love. “so, THANK YOU for marrying me..” GOD that’s so beautiful when she says that. On another note completely, I can also really relate to the sister character Kym sometimes. Needing to forgive yourself in certain ways but never being able to. Both of those actresses are pretty darn great at what they do. Anywhooo. 

“Rentless, endless joy peaking into tears, resting in calmness, a simmering beauty. If you listen with the whole of yourself, you will have the pure feeling of flight while firmly rooted to the ground. Your soul can fly outward, stringed to your ribcage like a shimmering kite in the shape of an open hand. Be still and listen to the evidence of your own holiness.” - Jeff Buckley